A Friday Funny

Since it is raining, again, and I am battling being totally bummed about it, I'll share a "tail" with y'all..... It is in fact, My Favorite "Tail" Of All Time.

Welcome to the story of Chupacabra, and How Dear Husband Rode A Mini. (Or, "Shoot Low Boys! They're Riding Shetland Ponies!")

Now, back before children (BC,) Dear Husband and I worked all day, at odd hours. In fact, it was not unusual for us to rise at 3:30- 4AM, stagger about doing our chores, and head out for clients. We'd trim anywhere from 10 to 30 head between us, and head back home.

One of our multi horse stops had a herd of minis. Now these were not just your, "Oh! How sweet and cute can you BE!" minis. Oh no. Some of these minis were lovely. A few were lovable, even. But there was one.... Boy howdy did he ever put up a fuss. There was no convincing that little sonovasnotbucket that he was only knee high to a grasshopper, and weighed in at maybe 250 pounds. In *his* book, that little turd was 19 hands, and 2,500 pounds at least.

We'd save him for last, as everyone- both Dear Husband and I, and the owners, dreaded having to handle him for work. In order for none of us to be wounded overly badly, it took four adults to get the job done. Three to hold, and one to trim.

We took to calling him Chupacabra, because he was vicious with his teeth. Nothing was safe, and nothing was sacred. Course, I guess we could have called him Croc too, what with the way he used his mouth. Chupacabra also developed a way of throwing himself to the ground the moment he was lead out for work and spotted Dear Husband and I. Looked just like the croc death rolls that they show on Animal Planet.

Dear Husband and the owners worked out great timing. When Chupacabra would throw himself down, they would all strategically pounce, and hold down body parts. Dear Husband, big as a horse himself, would get the barrel, the Husband Owner the head (and teeth,) and the Wife Owner would get the extra legs. I'd get the tools and get busy.

One fine Spring day, Chupacabra was really putting up a fight. He managed to snag the wrist of Husband Owner in his teeth, and bite the p*ss out of him. Husband Owner let go with that hand, and loosened the pressure on Chupacabra's head.

Well that was all it took for things to go way downhill, really really fast.

Chupacabra put extra effort into getting away once the pressure on his head eased. Dear Husband was struggling to hold onto his writhing body, Husband Owner managed to get a front foot in his nads as well as the bite, and he let go to writhe in agony on the ground. Wife Owner got tossed from the hind feet, and once the hind feet got loose, it was up to me and Dear Husband.

Chupacabra knew he had us licked.

Little sonovasnotbag got his hind feet going 900 miles and hour, and windmilled a kick into my left leg that sent me on my a$$. (I still have a mark on that leg from him to this day.) I tried to recover... but didn't make it in time.

Chupacabra gave a mighty heave, and stood up. Dear Husband all this time was still trying to hold on for dear life, fearing for massive injury should he let go. About the time I was picking myself up out of the dust, Chupacabra went blasting my me (knocking me down again) with Dear Husband, on his back.

Lord I wish I had a camera with me, because seeing my husband- with one leg on either side of Chupacabra's neck, laying across his back, holding his tail, while Chupacabra ran full tilt across the paddock, tiny legs flying, ears pinned flat back to his skull, fire shooting from his nostrils.....

Dear Husband looked at me, I looked at him, and I am not ashamed to admit that

I
Totally
Lost
It.

Dear Husband realized he could let go of the tail and just set his feet on the ground and stand up, and Chupacabra ran out across the paddock.

Husband Owner was bloody and bruised, Wife Owner was banged up as well, and I had a limp. Dear Husband escaped with only the memory of his very first, and please Lord his LAST, ride on a mini, who we knew as Chupacabra.

Ahhh... those were the days!