Things in this corner of the equi-blogosphere have been mighty quiet, as I've contemplated a few aspects of life.
Add in that both of the Locust Brothers have been sick (read: Irritable. As. All. Hell.) and they managed to pass it along to me... well, about all I've been able to do is park on the couch as I limp slowly and pathetically through the day, and think. Consider. Make decisions.
I'll tell you what-- I can handle pain. In this line of work, being battered, bruised, bloodied, and busted comes with the turf. I can handle sinus infections, head colds, back pain- you name it, I can take it. Until you get to a sore throat. When it feels like I'm breathing IN fire, and EXHALING fire with every breath, I want to curl up and bawl. But, I can't. So I don't. Toss a sore throat at me, and I am the biggest wussy sally baby in the universe. (How much of a big wussy sally baby? When Dear Husband came home last night from class, I was laid out on the couch. No voice, raspy breathing, and all he did was ask how I was, and run his hand over my head and I bawled. Yeah--- BIG help for Fire in your throat--- add in some pathetic little tears too...)
Pretty much sucks.
Today though, the roaring flames are down to a small tinder of sparks. I hold hope I'm healing. Until I cough that is. Gads.
Right- back on track. I've had one big question running through my brain for.... a year or better now. And that is when is enough, enough? When do you as a horse's owner, throw in the towel, and move on? What has to happen, on an emotional level mainly, for a decision like that to be reached?
Yes, they are horses. No, I don't think they are "JUST" horses by any means, ready to be put aside in pursuit of the "Perfect Dream Horse".
How much time, sweat, blood, tears, training, effort, and daily care does one invest, before admitting a defeat of sorts? Or, can you realistically see a horse that is ready to move upwards and onwards, to another level?
On another track, what about an emotional connection to the horse? How long can you wait, patiently, for that bond to develop?
In order to prevent this from getting more maudlin than it already is, I'll stop. But I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
~MM
16 comments:
Sorry to hear that you and the Locust brothers were sick. No. fun. at. all. Sore throats are brutal - seeing as how you have to swallow alot, it hurts alot. Hot tea can sometimes help take the sting out for a bit. 'Course it comes back as soon as you stop drinking. I hear whiskey with sugar mixed in helps... :-)
As for when to throw in the towel on a horse? Guess that depends on your experience and comfort level. I knew clearly with my APHA gelding - he and I just weren't a good fit and as a boarder that can only afford one horse, the decision was fairly easy to make... I'm not a super emotional person, so it is a bit easier for me to decide...
Emotional connections? Bonds? Eh... Not sure on this one - I can't say much on this, as I'm not the most emotional person... I don't know that I've had a great bond with a horse. I mean, I like Rusty and trust him and I think he trusts me, but to call it a bond? I dunno...
Do I dare wonder why you are asking??? :-(
The sore throat remedy I like is hot rum with honey, lemon and butter! It may not be a perfect cure but it helps on many levels ;0)
On the other issue, I believe in being realistic. I've sold many horses, some of whom I've loved dearly. There comes a time when you just know that what you are willing to put into it may not be what that horse needs, or it may be that the horse doesn't suit the needs of you and your family.I've always advertised my horses fairly and truthfully, and there is always someone who wants them. I won't keep a horse I don't trust, no matter what the issue; once it was because the horse I was riding slipped and fell in an indoor arena, and though I didn't get hurt, I never trusted him after that. He ended up being a mans trail and penning horse.
I believe you have to follow your heart. Always trust that little voice that niggles at your mind; it's usually your guardian angel.
I'm sorry you are even having to ask yourself these questions.As much of a dickwad as Poco can be, he and I definitely have "something". It continues to get better, but at a slower pace than I initially imagined.
Your heart will tell you the answer.
Well, I can't be much help. I've hung on to mine through thick and thin. I tried to sell Lostine once, but couldn't do it. All these strangers on the phone telling me what kind of plans they had for my horse freaked me out. I was sitting there thinking, "Oh, Lostine's not going to like that." Lostine doesn't like a lot of things, but I make her do them anyway. All she wants is to be a pasture ornament.
Are you taking your vitamins? Can you get out for some early morning walks before the heat gets too bad? Exercise is your best remedy for fighting off whatever you are exposed to. I'm going to start one of these days myself. ;?
It really depends on the horse. Some you have issues with and one day something might just click and it will make all sorts of sense.
I have a pretty strong bond with Brandy. I know I could and never would sell her. I just don't trust that she would go to the right home, that someone could handle her issues without beating her. She will be here forever. She has so much trust in me, it is so awesome to see and to hear other people notice.
Fritzy, well, not much to say about that one. I have bonded with her more in the last year. But she is definitely my OH's horse. If it was just me and I had to sell a horse, I would sell Fritzy. I hate to say that but we just never connected like Brandy and I.
I think everyone's experience is different and some people can sell a horse and get out of horses so quickly. I couldn't do that. I will always have horses, no matter what.
Well, I'm going to be the dissenter here. I got rid of Canyon and I should have done it way earlier. The reality was I was going backward in my own skills and this was a lousy match.
Sure I learned alot from that bucker, but my confidence was evaporating with every ride. To the point I nearly couldn't ride anything.
I realized that I couldn't handle the worst that horse could do. And I now know I can handle the worst my current horse will do. For me, that's the line...
My trainer told me - remember, this is supposed to be fun. Hard, tough, but still fun. All the fun was gone when I sold Canyon.
Now it's back.
That's a tough question. I won't lie and say I haven't had the same thought. I bought Finn as a 2 year old. While I wasn't a totally green rider, I had no business with a baby. I needed something more experienced, but not a babysitter, that I could advance with. Instead I ended up with Finn because of my own naive ideas.
I get very tired of dealing with the baby BS sometimes. And consequently sometimes I want to throw in the towel, and go find a nice older horse. For a long time I struggled with this. Finn doesn't really like dressage. I really wonder if he would have been happier with someone else. Someone that could teach him something he would enjoy doing, like working cattle (I know he's ranch bred). Then I always felt like I was giving up on him. I want a nice broke horse, and if I stick with the one I have... eventually he will be a nice broke horse. I may not be out schooling cross country right now, but Finn has made me advance as a rider in many other ways. He was the wrong horse for me, but at the same time he was the right one, if that makes sense.
For a long time, I also felt like we never "clicked". Like we didn't have that connection. But I think that's because I got him as a baby. With some horses it's instantaneous, sometimes that connection takes time to develop, as it did for us. Especially now that I'm not at a show barn, and that pressure is off, I feel like we're finally connecting after all these years.
In the end, no one can answer this but you. If it's not right, it's not right. Listen to your gut.
When it stops being fun. Period. Even when Gen cost me an arm and a leg and I spent so much time getting him better I felt like I was loosing my life it was still more good than bad and I was still have fun. I walked away from Phoenix because I was getting stressed every time I turned in that driveway. When you are frowning more than you are smiling it is time...
I HATE having hot breath when I'm sick! Its the worst! Hope you are back on your feet soon.
Have agree with On The Bit, when your interactions with the horse becomes less than rewarding its time for that horse to move on.
I think that we become emotional with them, but I am not sure that they share our "feelings". I do believe that they can and do enjoy our company.
I feel a really big bond with my mustang. I can't imagine getting rid of him. He is family. Sometimes he drives me crazy with his suspicions, but I got problems too and we help each other out.
In the past it has always been difficult for me to release pets, horses, etc. My drawing line has always been my family. If it was too big a handicap for them, be it financial or safety or time, I would sell or give away. Otherwise, I am pretty long suffering and have been blessed with some real reformed critters (2 legged as well as 4)over the years. Love, time,and consistency can work wonders.
Oh, and don't make any rash decisions. You know, when you are hot, tired and sick. I did that once and really regretted it later.
Hey there Mrs. Mom!!!
Sorry to hear that you and your family are under the weather...mine have been too, for about six weeks now.....
I am also sorry to read about Sonny's latest snafu. I take it there have been others while I have been away??
I know that you will make the right decision, because you have a good head on your shoulders. : )
Keep us posted!
I learned the hard way that you really have to question deep when things aren't going well.
Some people will disagree and say that you can never throw in the towel and rehome your beloved horse, because they might end up in a bad home. Or they are so disillusioned by their love of the horse that they don't realize that they actually might be holding their horse back from having a better life with more experienced riders who may be a better fit.
My Dad was military and raised me to believe, "You make your bed, you lie in it".
So with my first horse, I had made the commitment for her to be my forever horse.
Even as we struggled, argued and dealt with her issues together,I knew she was too much horse for me, and I was not enough rider for her.
But I held fast. I loved her. I could make it work.
Right?
It still didn't wake me up when she sent me to the hospital. I still thought we were meant to be and that me falling was just a fluke.
I was too stubborn, to dedicated, too ignorant to listen.
So I had to be thrown to the ground yet again. Which is when she broke that same knee she injured the first time.
Well, the second time was the awakening. I didn't need to get hurt a third time by my horse to realize this was a doomed relationship.
But I still held a thread of hope and after I got back on her one last time to just say I did it...and to move past my fears, I asked my mentor and friend, an experienced horse woman to ride Baby Doll and give me her honest opinion as she runs a horse rescue and is canny at matching horse and rider.
Within 15 minutes she knew the answer and told me that I should have never bought Baby Doll. I had been way over horsed.
As soon as I got home I put her up for sale and she sold to that awesome couple a week later. Her new cowboy owner is a perfect match for her...confident, strong, willing to work with her, while also bring firm and consistent, and not putting up with her temper tantrums and sour attitude. He loves her and I'm guessing that by now, she loves him too and is able to allow him to be her leader and be his partner.
It was never an easy decision, though. I still miss her and am probably crazy to feel that way. But if I didn't...what kind of horse owner would I have been?
I know now that by releasing her to move forward with a new owner, I gave her a better life, and I opened the door for me to live my dreams, and for my sweet Apache to be my partner and to have a better life, too.
~~~~~
Feel better my friend. I don't think there is anything worse than being horribly sick in the summer time either. It's too hot for chicken soup and for cuddling underneath blankets.
I always find that sucking on hard candy, especially lemondrops makes a world of difference in my comfort level if I have a sore throat.
((((hugs))))
~Lisa
Hey sorry you are not feeling well! ((HUGS))
You'll know when to throw in the towel, there is no main clue - and if you decide that then that's okay. Life is FULL of adventures they are not all on horse back.
I too am searching for some answers like that and it may just be what I need is not to be horseless but a better balance instead of only "horse" in my life and on my brain this time off has shown me all kinds of other things I would like to do, enjoy and experience so that is a future goal of mine. Balance.
Hope that helps - and hope you get to feeling better!
hello Sista!
I have been away to long! Sorry you are under the weather, I trust by now you are on the mend.
As for the horse thing, well you know my past. I tried everything with the Harley and decided to part ways. I now see it was best, his new owner is rocking the reining youth world with him and I can sleep at night not worrying about him attacking my kids. I will say I stayed in too long. He really shook my confindence as a rider and it is a painfully slow road back. Thank goodness Frank the Tank is patient with me. Search your soul and you will find the answer.
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