Holy Crap Now I Have To Catch That Stupid Foxtrotting Moron.
We've fallen into a nice routine of late, where the horses are in a smaller paddock overnight (to let the main paddock dry out some,) and out on grass during the day. Normally, I toss halters on a couple of lazy beasts first thing, and we slowly slog our way to the temporary grass paddock for them to stretch their legs and play.
Now I need to point out-- those "first thing slog to the grass" journeys are done pre-coffee. And usually with me in a state of half dressed. (ie: No boulder holder because my eyes are not open enough to find it, and my brain is not willing to work enough to sort out how to put it ON correctly.) Remember that-- no coffee, no boulder holder.
The past few mornings, the equid fur kids have been rather.... happy. Their manners have been a bit lacking, and it's taken a couple of sharp reminders to each of them (even the lazy as sin Phat Boy) to remember that Mom IS Boss Hoss Lead Mare. Once we reach the grass, they are generally very docile for halter removal, and they calmly wander away to go graze and roll and what not.
THIS morning.... I should have known something was up. The air was cool (still somewhat humid, but it was cool outside) and Phat Boy was behaving rather beastly towards Tater (chasing him away from the gate in the small paddock and trying to make Tater stand in the farthest corner away from me and the gate.) Normally, I can halter Phatz, and ground tie him while I halter Tater. Not today. It took 10 minuets for Phatz to stand - and had I paid more attention (ie: if I had taken the time to have at least *some* wake up juice, I would have had my eyes more open and seen the eat shit and die looks Phatz was slinging around,) today would have (and SHOULD have) been a take one horse at a time day. Buuuutttttttt... yeah.
Finally, I managed to have both horses haltered and the gate to the paddock open. Phat Boy CHARGED through the gate. (Which got him in Big TROUBLE.) After another 10 minutes passed, and he could walk nicely through the gate, we proceeded to head to the grass. What is normally a very short journey accomplished in no time took a good bit longer as both the boys needed to be stopped and backed up and *reminded* that Nooooo-- running in front of me/ over me/ through me is NOT acceptable.
We make it to the grass. I wrangle that gate open with difficulty, as both horses were being *total* jerks. Instead of trying to hold the gate wire and both horses, I dropped the gate wire on the ground out of the way, lead the horses in, turned them to face me, backed them, and removed halters.
Phatz, instead of wandering off slowly and happily like normal, whirled around, shook his head, squealed and threw his considerable back end up in the air in a mighty buck --- directly at Tater. Tater, who is usually the one to take off squealing and snorting, saw the backend of Phatz elevated in his general direction and went forward.
Through where the gate was *supposed* to be.
I stood there for a moment and let out a big sigh. Phatz was cavorting like a (rather round) yearling, while Tater stuck his head and tail in the air and pranced around the rest of the yard, flipping Phatz the bird, "Nanana BooBoo! Look At Meeeeee! I'm OutSiiiiiide!" I swear, I could hear him singing that.
Muttering cuss words under my breath, I got the gate closed, all the while thinking Tate would come to his senses shortly and settle down enough to be caught and put in with Phatz.
Except Phatz kept acting the fool, (probably responding to Tater's taunts about being free,) and Tater stuck his nose even HIGHER in the air and zoooooommmmm-- off he went around front towards the lake.
I stormed inside to get a bucket of feed to tempt his brainless highness, and by the time I came back outside, he had zoomied his way around back here, by the grapevine. A few more laps with me standing off to the side rattling the feed bucket (which by the way, he paid NO attention to, other than to laugh at me as he showed off his extended trot, which actually is quite beautiful,) and Tater decided that, hey- crashing the fence would be FUN! And ZING... into the grass paddock he went, where both horses innocently instantly dropped their heads to graze.
Now remember the no coffee, no bra bit? Well for SOME people (*coughcoughAllMyTinyBoobedFriendscoughcogh*) this is not a big deal at all. (Well, not sure about the no coffee part there.) But for me to be out sans boulder holder and be SEEN by someone other than my husband? Totally. Mortifying. So imagine how high I jumped (mentally, cause, you know.. actual jumping causes boulders to move and migrate towards my face, which did not need slapping yet this morning,) when I heard my (male) neighbor say behind me, "Boy they sure were stirred up this morning. Did the flies get to them and wind them up?"
Might have been rude, but I was quick to turn my back to him and walk away to get the sledge hammer to fix fence with... saying, "No a lack of intelligence got them stirred up". (OK OK so I had a few other choice words sprinkled in there too. Sue me.) By the time I returned, neighbor had returned to his side of the fence.
Yep. Horses are a pain in my a$$. But man oh man... they sure are beautiful to watch when they are running around being .. well.. horses. Maybe tomorrow I'll have some coffee first, so I can have both eyes open and appreciate them being goofy. (And wanna bet they get led one at a time from here on out?)
Enjoy the approach of Fall, y'all and don't let those ponies get too frisky.